I'm not one to toot my own kazoo, usually. However, in order to stave off the soul-crushing boredom of living here in Bessemer until I find a full-time teaching job, I thought I'd start putting random articles about things that happen to be on my mind regarding the overall dumbness of life. Today, it's a phenomenon that I've come to regard as "Internet Twitch-Reflex Disorder," or ITRD.
All HOBOs are known for varying degrees of saavyness. For example: Tim is ball saavy for his mad basketball skills, G-Mac would be grill saavy for his incredible grilling ability, and Cheeks would of course be law saavy for obvious reasons. The majority of us are also fairly internet saavy, having the ability to peruse the internet tubes with the greatest of ease, finding videos, pictures, and articles of incredible value.
...and don't we ALL love a good value?
Part of my net saavy lately has been the excavation of school jobs at various district websites all over the internet. Google is a wonderful tool for this because Google will destroy all information it cannot index, thus making it the newest powerhouse in recording human history. There is a phenomenon that I have falled prey to, however, and I thought it bears mentioning here so that it may help the rest of you.
I've had a laptop chained to my body for the last one thousand years at NMU as part of their whole "laptop for every student initiative." Give a college student a laptop, and surely he or she will make excellent use of their time and use it only for their studies, right? Yeah...no. Wrong. Give a student a laptop with wireless internet and you'll see them carrying it into a bathroom and be able to hear the dinging of various AIM noises emanating from the stall farthest from the door. It's especially funny when someone's AIM noise is a cow or sheep.
Because I've had a laptop for so long, I now find it difficult to be disconnected for any long period of time. The dawn of Facebook only served to exascerbate this situation. When Facebook first appeared, I was on it constantly; and this was before the dawn of the constant stream of status updates that we have now. My usual browsing order went: email, Facebook, webcomics, Facebook, more webcomics, Facebook, email, Facebook, Facebook. This has not changed. In fact, one could say it has only gotten worse over time. Now...we have tabs.
Yesterday I was filling out an online application for the Prior Lake-Savage school district. They requested the address of NMU, so I clicked open a new tab so I could check the address. What letters did I type first? "F-A-C-E", which led to a down arrow push, followed by hitting the enter key, and suddenly it was twenty minutes and two Facebook status updates later. This happens totally by accident. It's not an addiction. It's now a bonafide reflex. Let's say I open a new window and want to check CNN.com for the current breaking news that People Magazine deems worthy of reporting. Tab, type, and there's Facebook.
Dammit.
I want to read the latest comic of Penny Arcade. Tab, type, and again...Facebook.
Damn. It.
I want to open up my student account and get the latest iteration of my unofficial transcripts. Tab, type...and...well you get the idea. It ends in a dammit.
I know this is because I've been hyperconnected for the last five-plus years, but now I'm wondering if it's an isolated incident. It goes right along with people getting "phantom buzzes" from having a vibrating cell phone in their pocket for too long and having a lot of people text them.
Tell me in the comment section of your own experiences with ITRD. It's just nice to know that you're not Facebook...
...God dammit.
Greetings to you from "The Science Works," a subsidiary of HOBO Science International. Now, you may all be familiar with our experiments that resulted in such miracle products as the HOBO Portable Mustache Device:
And, of course, the incredible miracle device now known to modern man as the HOBO Beer Goggles:
However, with the second season of "The Science Works" set to debut to the YouTube viewing public, your fateful scientists are facing a slight conundrum:
WE CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING NEW TO INVENT!!!
So, we ask you, our dear and loyal HOBOs, for suggestions as to what miracle devices should populate our lineup for this "The Science Works v2.0". If we pick yours, you'll get a free DVD of our adventures and the admiration of all your peers once these items become available for purchase.
Until then, HOBOS: To the Science Works!!!
moar funny pictures
Greetings my benevolent HOBOs. As you know, HOBOnanza 2008 is less than 24 hours away from being officially upon us. The first official event on the docket is "The Gathering" to be held at the official headquarters of everyones favorite political regime: "The Brown Administration."
That being said, everyone's favorite (FAVORITE OR ELSE) first lady of destruction, the fabulous Ann Marie Brown, has imparted unto me the following information:
The following materials are being provided by the administration for the enjoyment of ALL HOBOs and friends of HOBO for their enjoyment on Saturday night beginning at 5:00 in the post meridian:
1. A moon-based laser cannon for the destruction of all enemies of HOBO or the greatest laser-light show EVER.
2. Hamburgers, hot dogs, Polish Sausage, and assorted meat products for grilling.
3. A grill, possibly nuclear powered. Unable to confirm due to the deaths of EVERY CIA agent sent to investigate within the last 10 days.
4. Food toppings such as beer soaked onions, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and the blood of the enemies of the state.
5. Desserts prepared by Ann Marie HERSELF for the consumption of ALL HOBOs in attendance up to and including brownies, cookies, and other bars of sweet destruction.
6. Tiki torches and lawn furniture to park your ass for the duration of the festivities.
I have also been informed that while these items will be graciously provided by our dark, omnipotent ruler AND Richard J. Brown, the following items are needed to complete the spread:
1. Salads (potato, leafy, human body parts, etc.)
2. Human sacrifice
3. Your own beverage selections such as beer and "other"
4. Giant mechanical androids programmed for world domination.
At that, I bid you all adieu for now, and hope to see each and every one of you...and more...at the Brown Administration's Doom Fortress, located at scenic 606 E. Longyear Street in Bessemer come 5:00PM Saturday.
HOBO Science out
Greetings once again from your friends over at "The Science Works." Let me ask you a question: Have you ever come across a situation where you really wanted a beer, but alas...no beer was to be found either in your home or on your person? Well, the good folks at The Science Works, working cooperatively with the HOBO Science Institute, bring you the latest development in science since the Portable Mustache Device(tm)! Rather than talk about it, we at The Science Works have put together another informative video for everyone out there, so without further ado...
Introducing to you, the consumer, for the first time ever:
The HOBO Beer Goggles!
Yes with this new development using incredible, fascinating, and highly confusing science, you never have to be without ice cold delicious beer EVER again! Be sure to check out our other presentations available at www.youtube.com/thescienceworks and tell your friends about us!
Remember: with science, the impossible...is EASY!
Greetings my HOBO brether and sisteren. Let me ask you a couple of questions:
Do you like science?
Do you LOVE mustaches?
Do you want to see a combination of science AND mustaches?
Thought so. If you said no, then shut up. For those of you who do, allow me to present to you the following presentation from our newest subsidiary, the HOBO Science Institute:
Yes! With the HOBO Science Institute's own "Portable Mustache Device (tm)", you no longer have to worry about an embarrassing, poorly formed mustache ever again! Be sure to tell your friends and share this video. It is TRUELY a miracle of science and technology!
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